I'm basically done with my one-man show based on Surviving Retail. I've noticed that I have a lot of readers from all over. If any one of you has an interest for me to perform my 90-minute expose of the true nature of humanity in their municipality (and have a place it could be performed), please e-mail at survivingretail@gmail.com. If I could at least have my travel expenses taken care of, I would entertain any offer.
Thanks a lot.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
The Retail Fairy
I don’t get into much, in the book or the show, about the concept of “Perception is Reality”. It seems to be the kind of thing that everybody is- or should be- aware of already, but it still holds a unique position in the retail world. A lot of people seem to believe in a “retail fairy”; it’s never stated like that literally, but that is the only way it can be explained.
There are a sizable percentage of people who won’t buy a package if the shrink wrap is torn, which leaves the torn item last on the shelf to be sold; usually by someone who wants a discount because of said torn shrink wrap. The obsession with this will even extend to people who ask us to open an item to examine it further, and then ask for one that hasn’t been opened if they do decide to buy it. Shrink-wrapped stuff is perceived like the retail fairy waved a wand and it appeared on the shelf. Regardless of how ever many hands it might have passed through on the way to getting shrink-wrapper, it is the perception that is paramount.
In our store we have people every once and a while that will pull a certain item off a shelf so they can grab the one from the back of the shelf, presuming that this one has been more “untouched” than the others, even though it looks exactly the same. The fact of the matter tends to be that the one at the back of the shelf has most likely been there the longest and touched by the most people. When something sells, the remaining ones on the shelf get pushed back when the new items are stocked. Unless it’s a food item that needs to be rotated or updated packaging, there’s no need to do otherwise. It used to be if I ran across a customer doing this, I would tell them if the front one on the shelf was newer- sometimes it would have just gotten put there a few minutes before- but they would never believe me.
Some people believe that the Retail Fairy is responsible for the entire manufacturing process, as well. When I worked for the Sharper Image, we sold a front-loading CD player that took a long time to come back in after we had sold it out.
One common customer complaint, “I don’t see any reason why it should have taken so long for you to get back in.”
“Remember that big earthquake in Taiwan in the news a little while ago?” I’d say, “Their factory was destroyed by it.”
This has proven true at the toy store of late, with the events of the past year. The economic down-turn is just the most obvious problem; the regulations in the wake of the “killer toys from China” dust-up from a little while ago have caused a lot of very reputable toy companies to close up shop in America or do business very differently.
With the summer being prime soap bubble weather, a question has been popping up quite a bit, “Do you have big bottles of bubbles?” If you have to make a shit-ton of bubbles or are dealing with a tottler who is going to spill a lot of bubble juice, this is a valid question. The problem is, the companies that we get bubbles from don’t sell bubble juice in large containers anymore; more than likely the extra cost for shipping the heavy liquid didn’t make it economically viable to do it anymore. But tell that to a believer in the Retail Fairy.
“Do you have any big bottles of bubbles?” said one recently.
“No, unfortunately we can’t get any right now,” I replied, truthfully.
“You’re joking”
“No,” I said, and I’d like to think that the reader already knows that I can come up with a better joke than that.
“You have to be.”
“I am not.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m telling the truth.”
“How can that possibly be?”
“It’s a funny world, I guess”
At this point, I’m a bit pissed. I grab my boss, a nationally recognized toy expert to explain the phenomena. Five fact-soaked minutes later, the lady said,” It’s just a funny world, I guess.”
That’s what I’ve been trying to say all along.
There are a sizable percentage of people who won’t buy a package if the shrink wrap is torn, which leaves the torn item last on the shelf to be sold; usually by someone who wants a discount because of said torn shrink wrap. The obsession with this will even extend to people who ask us to open an item to examine it further, and then ask for one that hasn’t been opened if they do decide to buy it. Shrink-wrapped stuff is perceived like the retail fairy waved a wand and it appeared on the shelf. Regardless of how ever many hands it might have passed through on the way to getting shrink-wrapper, it is the perception that is paramount.
In our store we have people every once and a while that will pull a certain item off a shelf so they can grab the one from the back of the shelf, presuming that this one has been more “untouched” than the others, even though it looks exactly the same. The fact of the matter tends to be that the one at the back of the shelf has most likely been there the longest and touched by the most people. When something sells, the remaining ones on the shelf get pushed back when the new items are stocked. Unless it’s a food item that needs to be rotated or updated packaging, there’s no need to do otherwise. It used to be if I ran across a customer doing this, I would tell them if the front one on the shelf was newer- sometimes it would have just gotten put there a few minutes before- but they would never believe me.
Some people believe that the Retail Fairy is responsible for the entire manufacturing process, as well. When I worked for the Sharper Image, we sold a front-loading CD player that took a long time to come back in after we had sold it out.
One common customer complaint, “I don’t see any reason why it should have taken so long for you to get back in.”
“Remember that big earthquake in Taiwan in the news a little while ago?” I’d say, “Their factory was destroyed by it.”
This has proven true at the toy store of late, with the events of the past year. The economic down-turn is just the most obvious problem; the regulations in the wake of the “killer toys from China” dust-up from a little while ago have caused a lot of very reputable toy companies to close up shop in America or do business very differently.
With the summer being prime soap bubble weather, a question has been popping up quite a bit, “Do you have big bottles of bubbles?” If you have to make a shit-ton of bubbles or are dealing with a tottler who is going to spill a lot of bubble juice, this is a valid question. The problem is, the companies that we get bubbles from don’t sell bubble juice in large containers anymore; more than likely the extra cost for shipping the heavy liquid didn’t make it economically viable to do it anymore. But tell that to a believer in the Retail Fairy.
“Do you have any big bottles of bubbles?” said one recently.
“No, unfortunately we can’t get any right now,” I replied, truthfully.
“You’re joking”
“No,” I said, and I’d like to think that the reader already knows that I can come up with a better joke than that.
“You have to be.”
“I am not.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m telling the truth.”
“How can that possibly be?”
“It’s a funny world, I guess”
At this point, I’m a bit pissed. I grab my boss, a nationally recognized toy expert to explain the phenomena. Five fact-soaked minutes later, the lady said,” It’s just a funny world, I guess.”
That’s what I’ve been trying to say all along.
Friday, June 12, 2009
My Boss Is Cool
My toy store is unique in many ways that the average customer doesn't understand. We are BUSY, real busy. Some times the rush come out of nowhere and we have to be ready as much as we possibly can. We've set ourselves to be as efficient as we possible can, but we are only half of the equation. If we have a customer that isn't really ready or not paying attention, they are only making more time for themselves and the people behind them in line; it isn't our time, we're there 'til closing regardless.
Nothing slows this up quite like a customer asking for us to blow up balloons. To them, what's the big deal? it's just balloons; they've never had to do 3 jobs at a time, try to tame a never-ending line and try to blow up balloons in the milliseconds of free time we have in between customers. Since a lot of parties happen on Saturdays- our busiest day- we often get more last minute balloon orders than people who order before hand. We have a posted policy for people to give us 24 hours notice so we can have them ready when a person needs them and asked the people we break the policy for to PLEASE give us notice next time, but all that has done is change what people say when we mention the policy from, "I'm sorry, I didn't know," to "I know, but..."
I got a call from Morgan the other day, one of the managers at the toy store, ten minutes before I was suppose to come into work, which was when the store opened. There was a bit of panic in her voice, she had a lot of work she had to get done before we opened and someone had just phoned in a balloon order; it didn't help that she's a globophobe- afraid of balloons.
"I'll be right there," I said and, since I live across the street, less than a minute later, I was.
We actually opened a couple of minutes early and the guy who placed the order was first in the door. As I was ringing him up he said, "Do I get a reward for being the first customer of the day?", half joking.
I thought, yeah,it's me coming into work early to blow up your balloons, you jackass. What I actually said was, "Nah."
My boss actually said, "Yeah, it's him coming into work early to blow up your balloons." Other than the "you jackass," it was exactly what I was thinking, but didn't feel "authorized" to say.
My boss is cool.
Nothing slows this up quite like a customer asking for us to blow up balloons. To them, what's the big deal? it's just balloons; they've never had to do 3 jobs at a time, try to tame a never-ending line and try to blow up balloons in the milliseconds of free time we have in between customers. Since a lot of parties happen on Saturdays- our busiest day- we often get more last minute balloon orders than people who order before hand. We have a posted policy for people to give us 24 hours notice so we can have them ready when a person needs them and asked the people we break the policy for to PLEASE give us notice next time, but all that has done is change what people say when we mention the policy from, "I'm sorry, I didn't know," to "I know, but..."
I got a call from Morgan the other day, one of the managers at the toy store, ten minutes before I was suppose to come into work, which was when the store opened. There was a bit of panic in her voice, she had a lot of work she had to get done before we opened and someone had just phoned in a balloon order; it didn't help that she's a globophobe- afraid of balloons.
"I'll be right there," I said and, since I live across the street, less than a minute later, I was.
We actually opened a couple of minutes early and the guy who placed the order was first in the door. As I was ringing him up he said, "Do I get a reward for being the first customer of the day?", half joking.
I thought, yeah,it's me coming into work early to blow up your balloons, you jackass. What I actually said was, "Nah."
My boss actually said, "Yeah, it's him coming into work early to blow up your balloons." Other than the "you jackass," it was exactly what I was thinking, but didn't feel "authorized" to say.
My boss is cool.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The Price is Off, Bob.
Out of all the countless things that have aggravated me while I’ve worked retail, people asking me to take the price off their gift at the toy store before I wrap it is the all-time champ bad mood creator. It really amazing that I haven’t posted more about this as literally insane this has made me over the years. I realize that it is embarrassing to have a price on something, but I’ve been doing this for almost a decade and had enough waking dreams of people telling me “Take off the price!” to say truthfully that NO ONE wants the price taken off of their gift more than I do.
“Maybe you forgot” or “Some one left the price tag on recently” are the reasons they give for asking. Was I the one that forgot? No, I never am. In fact, out of the tens of thousands of times I’ve been asked to take price tags off only once did it actually need to be said; an extra price tag had hitched a ride from the item in back of it on the shelf, I already taken the one from the front.
The thing that gets me the most is when regular customers say it, knowing full well it drives me fuck nutty. Sometimes it’s actually said as a joke and they wonder why I don’t laugh. The funniest joke is the world isn’t funny the ten thousandth time you hear it, and “Make sure to take the price tag off” wasn’t funny the first time.
I wonder how crazy it would make me if half the times it was asked I was either finished wrapping it- when it was useless to ask- or when I had already taken it off RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. These were not people distracted by their kids or rooting through their wallet or purse, they were looking right at me when I put masking tape on the price tag and snatched the price off their gift. These folks are usually recipients of my most passive-aggressive responses, “That’s what I was doing with the tape,” or “So you didn’t see me just do it?”
This happened the other with a lady and she said, “Sorry, I just it’s just easier to assume people don’t know what they’re doing.” Yes, it is easier to do that that than to pay attention to what’s happening in front of you.
It was such a crystallization of the frustration that retail veterans often feel. So much of retail is dealing with people who assume that you don’t know what you’re doing, but hearing someone saying it out loud blew me away.
I replied to the woman , “ Yea, I know, I wrote a book about it, actually.”
“What’s it called ?”
I think you know.
“Maybe you forgot” or “Some one left the price tag on recently” are the reasons they give for asking. Was I the one that forgot? No, I never am. In fact, out of the tens of thousands of times I’ve been asked to take price tags off only once did it actually need to be said; an extra price tag had hitched a ride from the item in back of it on the shelf, I already taken the one from the front.
The thing that gets me the most is when regular customers say it, knowing full well it drives me fuck nutty. Sometimes it’s actually said as a joke and they wonder why I don’t laugh. The funniest joke is the world isn’t funny the ten thousandth time you hear it, and “Make sure to take the price tag off” wasn’t funny the first time.
I wonder how crazy it would make me if half the times it was asked I was either finished wrapping it- when it was useless to ask- or when I had already taken it off RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. These were not people distracted by their kids or rooting through their wallet or purse, they were looking right at me when I put masking tape on the price tag and snatched the price off their gift. These folks are usually recipients of my most passive-aggressive responses, “That’s what I was doing with the tape,” or “So you didn’t see me just do it?”
This happened the other with a lady and she said, “Sorry, I just it’s just easier to assume people don’t know what they’re doing.” Yes, it is easier to do that that than to pay attention to what’s happening in front of you.
It was such a crystallization of the frustration that retail veterans often feel. So much of retail is dealing with people who assume that you don’t know what you’re doing, but hearing someone saying it out loud blew me away.
I replied to the woman , “ Yea, I know, I wrote a book about it, actually.”
“What’s it called ?”
I think you know.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Two "Did I think?" Stories
Since I've spent so much time away from the toy store, I can only really run the register. However, I am breathtaking at this, to be so unbiased. This gives me a front seat to experience even more of the wonderful foibles of humanity.
We get over-run every Saturday by last-minute birthday gift shoppers. I'm already doing two things at once: ringing purchases and coordinating gift wrapping; but occasionally I have a third job- corralling customers wanting to pay into an orderly and efficient line. People often don't realize that they're cutting in line when they stand behind the person I'm currently ringing up, not seeing the long line right next to them. If I think somebody might not of recognized this, I'll ask, "were you in line?". Often they'll say, "No, I'm sorry, I didn't realize there was one," or say simply, "Yes".
A couple Saturdays ago, I asked a lady that question and she said, "Of course!", quite perturbed that I might think otherwise.
"Do you think that, just because I'm French, I don't know how to wait in line?"
"Whoa, sorry, I just wanted to be sure."
As it turns out she couldn't, she had just spent the last few minutes yelling at my co-worker that she shouldn't have to wait in line. Then cut in line.
One of the things I do to be nice when someone had a bag, phone or child in one hand is to hold the charge slip while they sign it. A few days ago I held one for a bag-toting lady who immediately snatched it away and glared at me.
"Don't you think I can sign My own charge?"
I explained, "I was just trying to be courteous," which just made her tighten her glare more.
You think I would know better than to be surprised by now.
We get over-run every Saturday by last-minute birthday gift shoppers. I'm already doing two things at once: ringing purchases and coordinating gift wrapping; but occasionally I have a third job- corralling customers wanting to pay into an orderly and efficient line. People often don't realize that they're cutting in line when they stand behind the person I'm currently ringing up, not seeing the long line right next to them. If I think somebody might not of recognized this, I'll ask, "were you in line?". Often they'll say, "No, I'm sorry, I didn't realize there was one," or say simply, "Yes".
A couple Saturdays ago, I asked a lady that question and she said, "Of course!", quite perturbed that I might think otherwise.
"Do you think that, just because I'm French, I don't know how to wait in line?"
"Whoa, sorry, I just wanted to be sure."
As it turns out she couldn't, she had just spent the last few minutes yelling at my co-worker that she shouldn't have to wait in line. Then cut in line.
One of the things I do to be nice when someone had a bag, phone or child in one hand is to hold the charge slip while they sign it. A few days ago I held one for a bag-toting lady who immediately snatched it away and glared at me.
"Don't you think I can sign My own charge?"
I explained, "I was just trying to be courteous," which just made her tighten her glare more.
You think I would know better than to be surprised by now.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
A certain kind of customer
The “Buys Anythings”- These people are utterly at your mercy, every suggestion is taken far more seriously than a salesperson is used to; we grow used to being mistrusted.
Some people are natural Buy Anythings, but some are generated in the desperation of the late holiday season, when they’ll just throw ANYTHING still on the shelves for you to sell to them.
You’d think that these are the best customers for a salesperson, and that can be true as long as you sell them what they really need, because these people tend to not be shy about returning things, either. At the Sharper Image we’d still be ringing people a half hour after the store closed on Christmas Eve because of these folks, knowing that over the next month or so we’d see 95 percent of these people trickling back to the store returning. The good part about it was the stuff was rarely opened and they’d have the receipt.
The “Buy Nothings”- These people have made it clear that there is no way they’d buy from your store, but they still want you to try to convince them.
I was helping an elderly couple through the Sharper Image doing this very thing.
The wife asked me why a limited Yoda replica was so expensive, and I said “They only made 500 of them.” In response, she twirled her finger in the air in the universal sign of sarcastic “whoop-de-do.”
The husband wanted to know why one tennis racquet was double strung, one set on the edge of both sides of the racquet.
“That’s so you’ve got a larger sweet spot and you can hit the ball all the way to the rim.”
“Just get a bigger racquet!”
“Then this probably isn’t for you”, I said, not mentioning that he’d need to get at least a new hip before he even thought about a new tennis racquet.
The “So Close”- They’re just THIS close to a sale; if only, when only, and the old favorite, but. You’ve sold them, no doubt about it, but there’s one deal breaking aspect of it; not surprisingly, it’s usually price. I understand this aspect of it, I’ve done it many times myself. I’m talking about when customers do this at every opportunity and rarely about price. “If this synchronized with my computer, I would get it right now. I’m serious, right now.” At the Sharper Image, we had the manuals for everything at our disposal, so I could find written proof in seconds that yes, indeed, it will sync with your PC.
“Well……, I don’t know.” No sale.
The “Tell me what to buy”- This might sound like the “buy anything” folk, but not really. They want you to show them every option, but ultimately they really want you make the decision for them. Give them enough of your time and they’ll actually sometimes admit it, “Which one should I buy?”
The Instant Experts- They often admit almost total ignorance of what you’re selling them, but have no problem questioning everything and anything anyway.
The “Anything for Free” Person- This person could get it cheaper somewhere else, but wants to give you his business. If you give him something for free or cheaper to the price that store pays. “It doesn’t hurt to ask”. Asking doesn’t hurt but hearing it does when you hear it as much as I have.
The “Twisting my arm” Person- They love acting like your forcing them to buy something. They will spend as much time as they can saying, “I can’t believe I’m paying this much of this,” but will buy it anyway. I try to remind them that it is the right of the American consumer that they don’t HAVE to buy it, but that rarely works.
Some people are natural Buy Anythings, but some are generated in the desperation of the late holiday season, when they’ll just throw ANYTHING still on the shelves for you to sell to them.
You’d think that these are the best customers for a salesperson, and that can be true as long as you sell them what they really need, because these people tend to not be shy about returning things, either. At the Sharper Image we’d still be ringing people a half hour after the store closed on Christmas Eve because of these folks, knowing that over the next month or so we’d see 95 percent of these people trickling back to the store returning. The good part about it was the stuff was rarely opened and they’d have the receipt.
The “Buy Nothings”- These people have made it clear that there is no way they’d buy from your store, but they still want you to try to convince them.
I was helping an elderly couple through the Sharper Image doing this very thing.
The wife asked me why a limited Yoda replica was so expensive, and I said “They only made 500 of them.” In response, she twirled her finger in the air in the universal sign of sarcastic “whoop-de-do.”
The husband wanted to know why one tennis racquet was double strung, one set on the edge of both sides of the racquet.
“That’s so you’ve got a larger sweet spot and you can hit the ball all the way to the rim.”
“Just get a bigger racquet!”
“Then this probably isn’t for you”, I said, not mentioning that he’d need to get at least a new hip before he even thought about a new tennis racquet.
The “So Close”- They’re just THIS close to a sale; if only, when only, and the old favorite, but. You’ve sold them, no doubt about it, but there’s one deal breaking aspect of it; not surprisingly, it’s usually price. I understand this aspect of it, I’ve done it many times myself. I’m talking about when customers do this at every opportunity and rarely about price. “If this synchronized with my computer, I would get it right now. I’m serious, right now.” At the Sharper Image, we had the manuals for everything at our disposal, so I could find written proof in seconds that yes, indeed, it will sync with your PC.
“Well……, I don’t know.” No sale.
The “Tell me what to buy”- This might sound like the “buy anything” folk, but not really. They want you to show them every option, but ultimately they really want you make the decision for them. Give them enough of your time and they’ll actually sometimes admit it, “Which one should I buy?”
The Instant Experts- They often admit almost total ignorance of what you’re selling them, but have no problem questioning everything and anything anyway.
The “Anything for Free” Person- This person could get it cheaper somewhere else, but wants to give you his business. If you give him something for free or cheaper to the price that store pays. “It doesn’t hurt to ask”. Asking doesn’t hurt but hearing it does when you hear it as much as I have.
The “Twisting my arm” Person- They love acting like your forcing them to buy something. They will spend as much time as they can saying, “I can’t believe I’m paying this much of this,” but will buy it anyway. I try to remind them that it is the right of the American consumer that they don’t HAVE to buy it, but that rarely works.
Monday, April 27, 2009
The Opening- Closing Covenant
Every Sunday I get to the toy store to work about 20 minutes before we open. By the time Noon rolls around there is quite a crowd. Outside of the holiday season, we have always- for the better part of two decades - opened at 12 o’clock but many of even our regular customers think we open earlier. Some people complain that some of our competitors open earlier (none that I have checked open before noon and some are closed on Sundays) or that our website says we open earlier (if we actually had a website, I’m sure it would say the right time).
One of my co-workers doesn’t like standing in view of the people waiting outside for us to open; I don’t really care. As far as I’m concerned, my right to do whatever the hell I want until opening time is part of the unspoken covenant between retail worker and customer. Between opening and closing, I’m all yours and I will provide all the service that the store is famous for and chances are good that I’ll do it with a smile.
Outside of this time is the most valuable commodity of the retail worker: free time. It would be nice if more customers were sensitive about that when they stay after the store’s closing, beg to be let in after closing or before opening. If an employee lets you do it they’re doing you a favor, if they don’t understand why.
This is one of the many reasons I call people who work in retail “solders”; we are often looked at like our life’s duty is service. It is between opening and closing, aside from that it’s our choice if we want to do it or not. I wonder how people who feel this way would react if they were stopped from leaving work after a long day so some one can look around, just 'cause.
My boss has been talking about opening at 11 on Sundays. If he does, then that’s when I’ll be there to serve you, but the smile might be less likely.
One of my co-workers doesn’t like standing in view of the people waiting outside for us to open; I don’t really care. As far as I’m concerned, my right to do whatever the hell I want until opening time is part of the unspoken covenant between retail worker and customer. Between opening and closing, I’m all yours and I will provide all the service that the store is famous for and chances are good that I’ll do it with a smile.
Outside of this time is the most valuable commodity of the retail worker: free time. It would be nice if more customers were sensitive about that when they stay after the store’s closing, beg to be let in after closing or before opening. If an employee lets you do it they’re doing you a favor, if they don’t understand why.
This is one of the many reasons I call people who work in retail “solders”; we are often looked at like our life’s duty is service. It is between opening and closing, aside from that it’s our choice if we want to do it or not. I wonder how people who feel this way would react if they were stopped from leaving work after a long day so some one can look around, just 'cause.
My boss has been talking about opening at 11 on Sundays. If he does, then that’s when I’ll be there to serve you, but the smile might be less likely.
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